As introverts, we must protect our energy. Otherwise we don’t show up in social situations as our best selves.
We’re all different, but introverts definitely have a social capacity – a limit on how much energy we have to be social. Because for an introvert, being social draws our energy down, and being alone fills that energy tank back up.
You probably know the feeling when you run out of energy. You’re “done” being social, and you can’t be as engaging, enthusiastic and relaxed in a social setting.
I call it “hitting the wall.”
Similar to an endurance athlete who drops to such a low energy level that they need to eat something to refuel, introverts need to step away from social interactions and refuel with some alone time.
The word “introvert” carries negative baggage for some people, sadly even some introverts have negative baggage with that word.
Why is that?
I think that the negative baggage has a lot to do with our social capacity and lack of boundaries.
When we over-commit, beyond our social capacity, we put ourselves in situations where we “hit the wall” but can’t leave. So we try to power through.
I don’t think that’s a great strategy, so I want to share some ideas for boundaries you can install in your life or business.
Boundaries that allow you to commit to being social without over-committing yourself and being forced to power through.
Let’s jump in!
Boundary 1: Set a time limit for in-person social activities, and decide in advance what’s worth committing to.
I was just speaking to an introvert on a podcast last week, and she still finds herself agreeing to attend events that force her to stay well past her social capacity limit.
For me, that’s 90 minutes.
So my boundary is set like this: If I can attend and leave at that 90 minute mark without offending anyone, I’ll consider it. If there’s no possibility to leave when I choose, it’s an automatic No.
A great example are functions like harbor cruises where an entire group goes on a boat for an undetermined period of time. That’s an easy No Thank You!
Even if it’s a networking event with good potential to meet key people, the event needs to have more potential of connecting and building relationships than simply inviting someone on to a podcast together.
Podcasting gives me the ability to meet almost anyone I want, so a networking event has to meet a pretty high bar to pass my boundary on social time.
Boundary 2: Change your default calendar appointment to 15min
For phone calls and Zoom meetings, don’t allow them to go longer than necessary. A great way to get into this mindset is to set your default appointment time to 15 minutes in your calendar.
When I first experimented with this change, it was just to free up time on my calendar. But then I found that it also reduced the total time spent on the phone without reducing effectiveness.
Every minute we save on phone calls or Zoom meetings is less of a draw on our social capacity.
Boundary 3: Set your default “hour-long” meeting to 45 minutes
Instead of always booking 60 minutes for longer calls and meetings, try moving them to 45 minutes.
You’ll probably find you get just as much accomplished, while also building in a buffer between appointments. Those buffer times are great for catching your breath, relaxing and preparing for the next call.
Boundary 4: Block off certain times of the day from any social activity.
I know many entrepreneurs who thrive on spending hours alone in the morning, and starting calls and meetings in the afternoon.
For me I choose to block off my afternoons because my social energy is best in the morning.
Whatever works best for you, try blocking out the times when you’re on low social energy, rather than trying to push through. Build boundaries right in your schedule that allow you to show up to calls and meetings as your best self.
Boundary 5: Batch social activities together in limited time frames
Batching social activities like calls, meetings or in-person appointments into certain time frames allows you to to ride off the energy of conversations all in one continuous timeblock.
Introverts enjoy one-on-one conversations, and when they’re interesting and fun, we get a temporary high just like an extrovert. It just doesn’t last as long.
So rather than scheduling calls and meetings haphazardly throughout the day, with odd blocks of open time between them, try batching them together and setting a boundary on the rest of your time.
In my calendar, I’m available Tues/Wed/ Fri, 8am to noon. I rarely book calls or meetings in the afternoons and I tend to block off all Mondays and Thursdays wherever possible.
This funnels 95% of my calls and meetings into blocks of time where I’m already prepared to be social. I wake up those mornings with the expectation set, so I show up energetic, engaging and enthusiastic, knowing exactly when that time is up.
Then on my off-days, I wake up focused on deeper work like writing, building systems or strategic planning and decision making.
Boundary 6: Don’t give anyone an hour on your calendar till they’ve been through a 15min call first
There are a bunch of ways to do this, but the principle is the same. Don’t allow someone a large chunk of your time unless you know it’s going to be beneficial for both sides.
That first call can be a 15 minute “quick connect” call just to get to know them and see how you might be able to help, or a “fitting call” where the expectation is you have things to sell that they’re interested in, and the goal is to find the best “fit.”
Either way, there’s no reason to feel obligated to give someone a large chunk of your social time unless you can envision a clear benefit. Set a boundary around how much time you’ll give someone when the benefit is unknown.
Boundary 7: Put your pricing right on your website
This is a controversial one, but hear me out.
Our agency is in the podcast production business, and podcast production can mean a huge range of things, from fully Done-for-you with guest booking and strategy (like ours) to done-with-you and no frills services.
By putting the full description of our offer and the pricing right on the website, I rarely take a sales call from someone whose budget isn’t a good fit. This keeps my social time focused on people who are good prospects, referral partners and strategic relationships.
Now, if you have a million offers and you find yourself sending custom quotes fairly often, maybe this won’t work. But I bet you can still find a price range you could put on your site that would turn away “looky-loos” and those who don’t yet have the budget to afford you.
Experiment with putting either your exact pricing – or a price range – on your website. You’ll spend less of your valuable social time on people who aren’t a good fit.
Boundary 8: Don’t respond immediately to clients who end-run your systems or team
We all have clients who like to skip around our team and contact us with questions.
If a client has a point of contact on your team who should be handling their questions, forward the email and have the team member respond. Don’t respond directly.
I learned this from watching the CEO of my previous agency.
He always redirected questions back to the point of contact, and let that person respond and handle the question. 99% of questions were still answered quickly, but more importantly, it trained the clients to reach out to the right person. Which improves their client experience over time.
This is a hard discipline for some, first because of the delay in response time to the client. But more so because it doesn’t allow us to jump in and fix things, which feeds our ego. Our need to be needed.
But setting this boundary with clients and your team is incredibly important to your peace of mind as an introverted entrepreneur.
Boundary 9: Get an Executive Asst
I absolutely LOVE my EA and would never go back to not having one.
She screens my email, sets 90% of my appointments, sends immediate responses to any key emails I receive, and send a summary of all key emails received since the previous day so I can respond appropriately.
We also review my calendar together every single week, looking at which days I’d like to keep blocked off, reviewing my overall level of busy-ness, eliminating unnecessary appointments, reviewing calls booked through my Calendly link to make sure I should be taking those calls, and much more.
Apart from all the other benefits, simply not being in my email every day has been a big upgrade to my quality of life.
I went from neglecting my email and then spending 45 minutes catching up, to only seeing and responding to the key emails that need my attention, which takes me 10-15 minutes.
Now let’s finish with a bonus one, cause I always want to over-deliver on value:)
Turn off all notifications on your phone, including the ringer, text messages, notification symbols on your lock screen, notifications on apps like Instagram or messaging apps like Messenger and WhatsApp.
Scientific experiments have proven that having your phone next to your computer lowers cognition and problem solving ability. Even when the phone is turned OFF!
Turning off notifications allows me to focus on the task at hand, including calls and meetings, where I want to show up as my best self without distraction.
I can do this because all my clients have a point of contact on my team, and I know my EA is reviewing emails and bringing anything to my attention that needs my decision-making or problem-solving skills.
So there you have it! 9 boundaries you can set on your life and business to allow you to show up to social activities as your best self – engaging, enthusiastic and relaxed.
As an introvert, these boundaries have changed my life, and I hope they inspire you to create your own. I’d love to hear what boundaries you experiment with!